Jesse
I admit, I didn’t think much of Charlie at first. She was rounder than the girls who usually caught my eye. Not my type. But when I saw her sitting in that booth alone, for the first time something in my mind or my instincts or my heart told me to join her.She defied me.She challenged me.She gave me hope.Before I knew it, moving forward was my only option.CharlieI couldn’t tell you when it happened, but it had to have been a gradual change; I never moved too quickly.If someone would have told me earlier that year what I was going to go through, I wouldn't have believed them.Jesse was so different from anyone I’d met before. And everyone I’ve met since. He sucked all the life out of me, in the best—and worst—ways.We don’t get strong overnight. For most of us it takes time. Strength isn’t measured by how high and fast our walls go up, but how easily we can watch them fall.Warning: This book contains material that might be a trigger for some readers. Abuse and rape are implied, but not described in detail. Discretion is advised.
My Thoughts
4.5 out of 5 stars
Warning: This book is not a sappy love story, it is anything but that. This book is raw and real with emotions. It deals with hard topic and it is one of the reasons that I love it so much.
The beginning of this book was hard for me. I hated it and I thought I wasn't going to enjoy it. The book started to progress and I started to like it more and more until I fell in love with it. This book is unlike anything I have read. Books with hard topics are always hard to accomplish but Amalie Silver did an amazing job with balance. Both of the characters are beautifully broken. They both have issues that they must deal with.
The beginning of this book was hard for me. I hated it and I thought I wasn't going to enjoy it. The book started to progress and I started to like it more and more until I fell in love with it. This book is unlike anything I have read. Books with hard topics are always hard to accomplish but Amalie Silver did an amazing job with balance. Both of the characters are beautifully broken. They both have issues that they must deal with.
Charlie is so sweet and you are drawn to her. Her personality makes you love her right off the bat. She is very hard on herself through because she thinks she is a big girl and she doesn't see herself as beautiful. Since the first moment you get inside Charlie's head I saw beauty. It was hard for me to hear her progress throughout the book. She is battling things inside herself and she wants to be thin. Jesse comes barreling into her life and that doesn't help her at all. This book had me cringing so much with the words exchanged between these two. Almost every time Jesse would speak I would cringe. His words were hurtful towards Charlie at times. My soul was hurting for her. I think he was part of the reason that she decided to drastically change her body image. She liked him since the beginning and she wanted him to like her. Her dislike of her body and his hurtful words kind of led her to lose weight so quickly. It was hard watching this process.
"He stole the air from my lungs, the thoughts from my mind,
and make me want to squeal like a little girl at her first pop concert.
It was completely disconcerting."
While Charlie was facing her problems she was also trying to help Jesse. Jesse also had beautiful broken mind. He was going through things in his head that he couldn't control at times. I know this but it still hurt me when he would hurt Charlie. I saw him and I knew how hard it was for him to stay sane. This story was about these two beautiful characters that needed help. They needed someone but at the same time they were both harmful to each other. Between these moments of hurt there was also beautiful moments that made it easy to love Jesse. He was sweet at times but he hurt Charlie far more. This relationship was hard to deal with but at the same time it was real.
"And for some unexplained reason,
my mind never stopped moving when he was near:
a firefly trapped in a mason jar."
This book is more than romance, it deals with a lot of hard issues that a lot of people are scared to talk about. This is why I love Amalie Silver for doing this and taking on this hard challenge, which she accomplished very well. I understood these issues and I am glad she tackled them head on. The ending of this book was hard so do not expect a HEA. It is going to take time and I am willing to wait for the rest, whatever it might be. Thank you Amalie Silver for giving us this beautiful, hard, confusing, powerful book.
3 Quotes That Broke Me
"Everyone looked at me like I was an abomination. Everywhere I turned, someone was spewing hateful remarks. People used me as their personal punching bag. If I were to take pride in anything, it would be that at least I made others feel good about themselves."
"I tried to get back to my car as quickly as possible, fighting off the tears. Why state the obvious? No on one would ever touch a monster like me. There was so much more I wanted to say to him but I could never let him see ho much he hurt me."
"I was selfish and cruel because beautiful boys like Jesse didn't touch ugly girls like me. And I wanted one night with a man like him. I wanted to say fuck you to the Aaron Paulsons, the snickering mall-goers, and the whispering diners who'd always told me nothing. That I was nobody."
